If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, Why Make it Sour ?
The search for love and happiness is never easy. There are things that can complicate the destiny of two people looking to become a couple. I am not a relationship expert, but certain things do seem to be self evident when you reach midlife.
10 Reasons Not to Date Someone Who is “Separated”
1. Not Free and Clear – This would be a basic for the start of a healthy relationship. Two people ready to embark on a journey that is not lopsided by whatever their particular “separated” means. It does depend on the circumstance. If your involvement with the person is the cause of the separation in the first place, you may not have too much to worry about. But it still could be messy.
2. If They Can’t Disengage from One Relationship… – It may or may not be a mess, but the fact that there is no divorce is a “red flag”. As the late Princess Diana pointed out, there were always three people in her marriage. And so it will be the same with a “separated” person. This is also important in terms of any impending legal battles between the spouses.
3. Finances – When the dust settles the financial fallout could be crippling to the current relationship. Previously written about here.
4. Free Therapy – In the event the separated couple are still best friends, you will bear witness to wistful descriptions that make you wonder why, if they are still such goods friends did they separate in the first place. If the relationship of the “separated” couple is not good, you will have to listen to venting and be cast in the alternating roles of sympathizer and counselor. You will be providing free therapy. In addition, you will be hearing only one side of the story.
5. Family and Friends – Situations around family and friends may be awkward. Friends and family of the “separated” person may want to take sides if they were friends of the couple.
6. Divorce – This may never happen, so if this is important to you trust your instincts.
7. Divorced People are Available – There are plenty of legally divorced people who have worked through their issues, and have shown that they have moved on. They are ready for a fresh start.
8. Children – In a separation the children of the separated partner my be hostile to new people in their parents lives. There may be unresolved blame, or hope that the parents will get back together. The divorce usually allows them to move on.
9. Spouse in the House – In Charlotte Brontë’s classic book Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester secretly hides his deranged wife in the house, while Jane falls in love with him. In these modern times, a person will tell you that they are separated from their spouse, but they live in the same house. You will be told everything is amicable and a divorce will happen, but for the sake of the children, the finances, the emotional support etc. they have to live in the same house. This may work fine for the living together separated couple, but for the person being invited into this tangled weave of a yet to be resolved marital dissolution…RUN
10. All of the Above – All the preceding reasons are good enough for a no go situation. At the end of the day you have to decide if there will be a return on investment. Can you live with consequences of the choice that you make?
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