Goodbye Online Dating, Hello Real World

Goodbye Online Dating, Hello Real World

Goodbye online Dating

Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you’ll see her
Again and again.    – South Pacific

What is going on these days with online dating? By swiping your mobile you can find a quick fix to  the lack ofGoodbye Online Dating relationship/partner/mate in your area.  millennials are swiping with a  passion, having grown up in this digital world. But what are the results for more mature online seekers.

Many of us of a certain age, who are older and wiser,  are retreating from online dating.  Some of my peers have told me that it is increasingly becoming  a time wasting endeavour because although the  quantity of available people is there, the quality is lacking. Once you get to a certain age you put away childish things, and online dating seems to have become one of those things.

Scammers, Predators and Security

While some people swear by it, and have found their soul mate online.  You still have to be careful out there.  There are scammers and predators that you have to watch out for,  not to mention the security of  your personal information. 

 A friend of mine experienced a classic scam, where scammer, presented himself and a business man. He then spent months gaining her trust, explaining how his money was tied up in a business venture.  Then he experienced a medical emergency and required funds.  It was such a red flag case scenario that my friend saw through it.  She was also able to warn other  women as the scam artist accidentally sent her an email that included the email addresses of other victims, and they compared notes on his behaviour.

What would Shakespeare say?

“Now no more shall the task of online profiles waste much time. Freedom, I come, and may that title prove my courage.” Shakespeare would forgive my take on the soliloquy Cleopatra used before she topped herself, in Antony and Cleopatra,  but she never had to deal with the joys or lack thereof of online dating.

Say what you will, for midlife participants and older, online dating is a crap shoot.  Many people at this stage are emerging from long term relationships, some are experiencing grief  at the loss of love or a deceased spouse.  And a life that you thought would last to the end of your days may  have evaporated.  Life has completely thrown a curve ball, and in the rush to get back out there and reach out to potential partners, people gravitate towards online dating sites.

People who were not brought up in the digital age and who are used to real interactions with people struggle with the technology, as evidenced by the awful bathroom mobile pictures.  However, there are No excuses for the topless male mobile pictures in the bathroom. Really gentlemen!  Others will say, I don’t feel comfortable talking about myself. It is unnatural and challenging.  I have always believed that if you don’t feel comfortable with something then it is your instincts kicking in and you should listen.  Don’t do it, that simple. No pressure. If you really feel that it is in your best interest to do it, make sure you are ready. Practise offline before you go online. It is obvious when someone is just seeking sympathy and a listening ear.

Hello Real World

Step away from the computer. The time and effort that it takes to screen profiles could be spent pursing your interests, hobbies and courses that would probably be as successful in allowing new introductions as online dating. Chances are better when you meet someone doing things that you both enjoy doing.

I am advocate of the  love what you do and do what you love school.  Let things happen the old fashioned way.  Do your favourite sports, join clubs, go face to face with people. While doing this you tend to connect with like minded  people who enjoy doing the things that you do, and already you have something in common.

Offline  daters unite and take back the night.  Press delete.

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Are you enjoying the online dating experience or is it an exercise in futility?

Have you been ghosted?

Share your story of dating online at a “certain age”.

 

J. L. James
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J. L. James

Writer at EmptyBesters
Social Commentator, Original EmptyBester.
J. L. James
Follow me
J. L. James

Published byJ. L. James

Social Commentator, Original EmptyBester.

2 Comments

  • Gilly Maddison

    11/04/2016 at 5:35 pm Reply

    Oh my goodness, how life has changed since we sat in a semi-darkened church hall as starry-eyed 14 year olds waiting for boys to come and ask us to dance. As the 45s dropped one by one on the Dansette record player, us girls sat in a line in our Miners pearly blue eye shadow (out of a tube), watching the boys watching us. It was all so innocent and wonderful.

    Who can forget that moment when the needle landed neatly on the edge of the next record and the opening bars of Something In The Way She Moves by the Beatles filled the air with romance. I will never forget going round and round in small circles with my head on a boy’s shoulder as he sang very badly in my ear.

    And the excitement of having a boy ask if he could ‘walk you home’ was enough to send the girls scrambling for the privacy of the loo to frantically talk strategy about how to stop the boys trying to ‘do stuff’ as they kissed us goodnight on our doorsteps.

    Those truly were the best days as far as I am concerned. Nothing can beat the joy of the innocence that allowed us to dream. Now, in 2016, relationships and dating have changed, even for young teens. Song lyrics are explicit, music videos would have been classed as porn not so long ago and everything seems to have lost the innocence that allowed dating to be exciting and fun.

    Anyone, of any age, who does not have a partner now seems to be finding it hard to meet people. I know so many single women in their 50s and 60s who are shunning the idea of having a man and going it alone. And I know if anything happened to my husband, the last thing I would do is go online to look for another man.

    What you say here is so true, meeting someone through genuine shared interests out in the real world has to be better than trying to speed it all up by trawling the Internet. I met my husband through a love of live music and this day, we still love our music and each other. We both dread the day when our partnership is broken with the last breath of one of us.

    Hope you find someone really nice out in the real world very soon – it is tough negotiating life alone.

    (I only came on here tonight to look at that verse in the last post again!!!! I am not going to sleep until I Have added a verse 😄)
    Gilly Maddison recently posted…Forgotten PeopleMy Profile

    • Judith

      Judith

      12/04/2016 at 5:05 am Reply

      Well Done! I knew you could do it.

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