Saying No to Your Young Adult’s New Beau…Don’t Bother!
So, you are finally going to meet their first out of nest boyfriend or girlfriend. Be nice!
Unless they are the absolute worst nightmare, showing indications of a tendency towards verbal or physical abuse, there may be very little you can do. It will be hard to convince your young adult that focusing on their studies or career at this time may be a better option than hanging out with someone you don’t think is right for them.
Hopefully, sooner rather than later your child will figure out if this relationship is the best thing for them. That is the key, as it is not about you, or your likes and dislikes. It is about exploring a part of what makes us human, the ability to bond with another human being. An emotional and physical relationship is part of growing up. It is something that we as parents, could only show by example, so what was experienced at home may or may not be the ideal for your child. Remember, we have the benefit of years of experience in matters of the heart. Even we can get it wrong. When you think of your ex., don’t you ever wonder: What was I thinking?
Saying no to the Beau/girlfriend, may have the opposite effect of making him or her more attractive, especially when the young one is asserting their new found independence. There must be qualities in this person that endeared your child to them. You may not see it yet, and some parents never figure it out.
Interfering is Futile
Interfering in love’s young dream may only cause the following:
Alienation – May not want to communicate with you about this or any other relationship, in case the result is the same.
Secrecy – Future relationships will go under cover. You will not hear about another potential beau/girlfriend again until the engagement.
Hostility – will not be very nice. They may get the feeling that you don’t trust their judgement and conversations in the area will quickly become negative.
Drama – This should only happen at the theatre. Life is too short, and as we are looking for the best in the empty nest years we don’t want to encourage, or be a part of unnecessary drama.
Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing ?
Let the relationship run its course. Only time will tell if it will be happy talk, or take a walk for the new mate. Roll your eyes and carry on. Be there if, or when it all falls apart. Resist the temptation to say I told you so, because they really do remember that you did.
Chillax as young people say. Pop the cork on some good vino, and curl up on the sofa. Watch some movies and see how Hollywood deals with the subject of these first meetings. I recommend a classic one: Guess who is Coming to Dinner and a funny one: Meet the Fockers.
What do you think? Share your thoughts. Have you been in this situation and how did you handle it?